Boundaries

Mila watched Nora climb up her forearm. She lay face-up on their bed, elbow resting on the mattress, fingers raised in the air, as Nora practiced moving around on her. At Mila’s full size, Nora was just big enough to fit in her hand. Of the two of them, Mila had been the one to enjoy exercising, so it came as a surprise when Nora revealed that, rather than be carried by her, they preferred to scramble up and down Mila’s body.

But a lot had changed, since they separated in their late teens, throughout their misspent twenties. Most of that, Mila noted with a grimace, debilitating to Nora. They’d survived their gender and gay awakening with a low appetite and completely off-kilter sleep schedule. Since their reunion, Mila’s gentle prodding had been able to convince Nora to eat more often and go to bed at the same hour every night, even if progress was irregular.

And those efforts were noticeable now, as Nora grabbed higher and higher handholds. Mila hoped Nora’s plan panned out. Ever since the two of them started living on the smaller chunk of floating land above Huerto Viejo, presently anchored to the petrified possum corpse that served as the town library, a large chunk of Mila’s day was preoccupied with where, exactly, Nora was. The floating island existed at Mila’s scale, not at the scale of Nora or of most of the other inhabitants of Huerto Viejo. If she barely ever took on her full size down below for fear of destroying everything in her wake, now Nora experienced the inverse, surrounded by and at the mercy of that same exaggerated degree of danger. If Nora

“You’re doing great,” said Mila. ‘Are you sure you don’t want me to help?’ She bit back the question.

But Nora knew her too well. In between gasping for breath, they fixed her with a stare. “Oh! Is the reason you keep fretting—”

Mila felt the bottom fall out of her stomach; Nora’s limbs pulled away from her arm as if burned, sending Nora tumbling. She made to grab Nora, but they slipped through her fingers and landed on the bed.

“Nora!” She scooted down along the bed, bringing her face closer to where they landed. “What’s wrong? Were you that tired? I could have—”

“No. Not that.” Nora shook their head and sat up. “It just occurred to me. Was I making you uncomfortable?”

Mila furrowed her brow. “What do you mean?”

And to her surprise, Nora actually blushed. They looked away as they spoke. “You keep asking if I’d rather you carry me,” they said. “It just hit me. What I’m doing, climbing around on you. That’s really invasive. I’m…” With her face this close to Nora, she could make out how their face scrunched up just before they whirled to face her. “I’m sorry, Mila. That was inconsiderate.”

Mila tried not to chuckle, and failed. “Nora. If it was making me uncomfortable, I would have told you before I let you rock climb the side of my arm.”

“Well, that’s what I’d think with anyone but you.” Nora gave her a look. “You’re too much of a pushover.”

“Oh, am I?”

The urge to snatch tiny Nora right up and bring them close for some giant kisses was easier to resist than the urge to laugh. For one, Mila had a great deal of practice in resisting these through all her years of knowing Nora, because for two, Nora never liked being picked up when they were younger.

“You have the smuggest grin on your face right now,” said Nora.

Mila giggled softly. “I’m trying so hard to be good and not say the obvious.”

“You’re too much of a good girl, that’s always been your problem.” Nora sighed as they shuffled closer to Mila’s face. They stretched their arms behind them and leaned back on their palms. “How do I know you’re being honest when you say you’re fine with it? I already made you uncomfortable enough for a lifetime.” Their voice seemed to shrink. “I don’t… Even if you can stop me easily, I don’t want to put in a situation where you have to, you know?”

Mila was quiet for a moment. “I don’t think you will, mihije,” she said at length. “You’re trying too hard not to.” She smiled. “You’ve gotten a lot better at communicating. Y aunque no creas, but I have, too.”

Nora nodded quietly. They took their own moment, sitting in comfortable silence so close they might lean against Mila’s face, without actually touching her. Then, they started to laugh softly.

“When you breathe out,” they said. “it feels like a wind against my back.”

“Oh! I’m sorry about that, I can—”

Nora raised their eyebrows. “Stop breathing? Don’t be silly.” They hummed. “I like it. I like feeling surrounded by you.”

Ah. That brought to mind something.

“You know,” began Mila. “If it’ll give you some peace of mind.” Now it was her turn to blush. “I like feeling you walking around on me.”

Nora glanced at her.

“It feels like tiny pinpricks of electricity all over me,” Mila said. “I can tell when you’re feeling confident, when you’re unsure, depending on your grip. I can tell how close, exactly, to my center of gravity you are.” Mila gave them a wink. “How playful you’re feeling. Or how worried, if your hands are clammy.”

Nora said nothing, watching her with wide eyes.

“It… gives me a sense of calm. I know you’re there.” Mila hoped they wouldn’t take this the wrong way. “I spent a lot of years wondering, where you were, what you might be up to. So when I feel your little body on mine, it’s a nice reminder. ‘Hey. I’m back. I’m here.’”

As ever when they were feeling nervous, Nora turned away before speaking. They took a few seconds to gather themselves, hemming under their breath.

“It, uh. I don’t mind—I also like it. When you pick me up in your hand, I mean. You don’t have to be so. You can feel free to do it more often, I guess.” They turned back to face Mila, and their face was practically glowing red. “I thought about you a lot too, back then. Until, until recently. And when I feel you all around me, it’s like you said. A reminder that you’re here, that you won’t be gone.”

“Before, you didn’t like me to pick you up.” Mila stared. “You said it made you feel out of control.” She wanted to hug and comfort Nora in their clear agitation, and yet, there remained that lingering uncertainty.

Nora shook their head. “Before I was lying to myself day in and day out, pushing myself into a mold I knew was wrong. I couldn’t be vulnerable when I was in survival mode like that. But… I’m not there any more. And now, well, you’re seeing me. You’re not seeing the perfect straight daughter I was forcing myself to be.”

Their blush was fading, little by little. They smiled.

“It does make me feel out of control. When I’m moving around on you, that’s helpful. It makes me close to you in a way that, I feel in control, despite everything.” They gestured all around themselves, at their home and its massive scale. “But I also don’t mind giving up control. Not when it’s you. Not when it’s me as me.”

“Nora,” said Mila softly. “That’s beautiful.”

“Nah, it’s not.” They waved a hand. “But yeah. Don’t doubt it, I love it when you hold me.”

That was all Mila needed. In one swift movement she brought her hand down and swooped around Nora, bringing them up and pressing them against her cheek. She stroked Nora’s face with her thumb, gently parting their black hair at the tuft they dyed red in their bangs. The bottled-up affection burst at once in a barrage as Mila pressed her lips to Nora. It was an ecstasy, feeling the pulse of Nora, the scramble of their limbs against her mouth as they embraced and kissed Mila in turn.

She pulled her hand away, just enough to look at Nora; they met her eyes with a precious and dazed grin.

“You were holding that in for a bit, huh?”

Mila nuzzled Nora with the tip of her nose. “Just a bit.”